How to Heal Your Father Wound

fatherYears ago I read a book called “Wild at Heart” by John Eldredge.  In the book, he talks about the relationship between a father and son.  He says that the one thing every son wants to hear from his father is:  “You have what it takes”.

All I have to say to that is bull****!

You don’t need your father to tell you that you have what it takes.  Believe me, I know.  I spent most of my life trying to get the approval from my own father and sometimes it’s just not going to happen.  So what do you do with that?   What do you do when your father doesn’t tell you that you “have what it takes”?  Do you just pack it up?

I have had older men in my life through the years who volunteered to be my “father figure” and to that I have always said “no thanks”.  I didn’t need a stand-in father.  You don’t need someone to affirm you as a man.  You affirm it yourself by being a man.  Don’t wait for some mushy, come-to-Jesus experience with your father to do it for you. Be real. Most men aren’t going to be all emotional or admit to any affections toward you to affirm your place in this world.  Too many times people place blame on their shortcomings upon their parents.  That’s just wrong.  Yes, there is a reason we are who we are but we don’t have to stay that way or fall into some emotional void simply because we didn’t have the relationship we wanted to have with our parents.

Some have called it the “father wound” and the so-called experts want to suggest that this “wound” is the cause of our current issues or problems in life.  Again I say bull****.  You are who you are and you can’t blame some “father wound” for it.  YOU have the power to change.  I get irritated when I hear people make excuses such as “that’s the way they are” or “that’s how they were raised.”  Cop out.  That’s what it is.  People would rather place blame than take control of their lives.

This so-called “father wound” is bull****!

Sure, it’s nice if you have a sweet relationship with your father then a trip to the Hallmark store is no problem in selecting a Father’s Day card.  Not so for everyone.  So what is a person to do?  Crawl up in a corner in a ball and cry on Father’s Day?  Does it suck?  Sure it does but it’s not the end of the world and it’s certainly not the end of you.  Just because you didn’t have the Andy Griffith-type father doesn’t mean you are inadequate as a man now.  Let it go.  It’s over.  Whatever happened has past.  We are responsible for the men we are today.  So what if you tried everything to please your father and seek his approval? You may have made life choices because of him in hopes he would be pleased.  If there’s one important lesson I have learned in this life is this:  if you live your life trying to please everyone you won’t do and the only person who will be miserable is you.  Don’t do that.  If you are doing this I urge you to take a mental timeout and examine your life.  I have discovered that you can do hundreds of things that please people but when you do that one thing that doesn’t it wipes out all of the pleasing things you’ve done.

The best way to be a better man and honor your father isn’t to crave his approval.  The best way to honor him is to be the best man you can be.  Be a man of integrity.  Do what’s right.  Be a good citizen.

Not to be mean here but what does his opinion matter anyway?  It’s just his opinion based upon his own experiences.  His opinion of you – or the lack of – doesn’t mean he’s right.  Don’t invest your self-esteem on his opinion of you.

Experts have attributed this “father wound” the reason for high divorce rates, depression and pornography.  Well, I guess you could blame anything for these but when it comes time to make a choice it is ultimate up to us to make the right decision for ourselves.    You don’t need a father to give you some sort of affirmation to make the right decisions but it seems we are quick to blame them when we make the wrong ones.

If you want a father figure, there is none better than God himself.  The tricky part about that is it is difficult not to project our own father onto the way we view God.  I can’t tell you how to do this.  You have to find your own way.  I’m not going to preach a sermon here.  I will say that you can absolutely discover a true relationship with God without comparing Him to your earthly father.

So, if you are a guy today and you’ve got that gnawing feeling in your gut about your father let it go.  Forgive them.  Stop blaming them for your own shortcomings.  Sometimes, as men, we are crazy stubborn about things and how we feel.  We will live in denial until it eats through us like a slow acid.  Deal with it.  Don’t let it poison your life or the relationships you have with others.  This is life folks.  No one said it would be fair.  In fact, we are reminded of this often.  If you were abused  in some way by your father, that really stinks.  Father’s Day really sucks for you.  I won’t be insensitive and tell you to get over it. What I will tell you is that there is no way your father can fix that or make up for that.  The best way to compensate for that is to be a better man.  Use that pain as a ladder, not a crutch.  Move yourself past his inadequacies and overcome any evil with good.

The “father wound” is an excuse for bad behavior.  Don’t get sucked into it.  Move on with your life.  Don’t remain stuck as a 10-year-old who is in fear of the belt.  That was then.  You are now.

The best revenge for a crappy childhood is having a happy adulthood.

Advertisements

2017-2018 Minor League Hockey Champions

MinorLeagueHockey2018The Toronto Marlies officially ended the 2017-2018 hockey season with their Game 7 win over the Texas Stars last night.  All of the cups have been won and here are the leagues and teams that have claimed their titles:

American Hockey League (AHL):  Toronto Marlies

  • Andreas Johnson and Mason Marchment each scored twice while netminder Garret Sparks made 29 saves at the Marlies defeated the Texas Stars 6-1 in Game 7 to win their first Calder Cup and the first men’s professional hockey title for the city of Toronot since 1967.

ECHL:  Colorado Eagles

  • Colorado defeated the Florida Everblades in seven games to repeat as Kelly Cup champions in their final season before moving to the AHL next season.  The Eagles rallied from a 2-1 deficit in the third period as Gabriel Verpaelst netted the game winner with 2:29 left.

Federal Hockey League (FHL):  Watertown Wolves

  • The Wolves defeated the Port Huron Prowlers 3 games to 1 to win the Commissioner’s Cup.  This was their second FHL title having won it previously in 2015.  Gavin Yates led the Wolves with six goals in the playoffs and was awarded the league’s MVP.

Southern Professional Hockey League (SPHL):  Huntsville Havoc

  • The Havoc became the first fourth-seeded team to win the SPHL President’s Cup beating the Peoria Rivermen 2 games to 1.  Sy Nutkevtich, who scored a goal in each playoff game against Peoria, had 13 points (5 goals, 8 assists) in the postseason and was named the MVP.  This was the Havoc’s second league title.  They last won it in 2010.

National Women’s Hockey League (NWHL):  Metropolitan Riveters

  • The Riveters knocked off the defending Isobel Cup champs with a 1-0 win over the Buffalo Beauts.  Katie Fitzgerald was the game’s MVP as she held Buffalo scoreless.  Alexa Gruschow got the game’s only goal in the first period for the Riveters.   This was their first Isobel Cup title.

North American Hockey League (NAHL):  Shreveport Mudbugs

  • The Mudbugs came from behind to beat the Minot Minotauros 2-1 to win the Robertson Cup.  Cole Quisenberry tipped home the game winner early in the third period for the Mudbugs.  This was the Mudbugs’ first title in the NAHL.  The franchise had previously won titles in 1999, 2000, 2001 and 2011 in the Western Professional Hockey League (WPHL) and Central Hockey League (CHL).

United States Hockey League (USHL):  Fargo Force

  • The Force won their first title in team history winning the Clark Cup over the Youngstown Phantoms.  The Force got a late goal from Ty Farmer and an empty net goal from Mark Senden wo win 4-2 in Game 4 and clinch the series 3 games to 1.  It took 10 years, 667 games and 63 playoff games for their first title.

Western Hockey League (WHL):  Swift Current Broncos

  • The Broncos captured the Memorial Cup for the first time in 25 years.  Beck Malenstyn put in an empty net goal to shut the door on the Everett Silvertips for a 3-0 win in Game 6.  It wasn’t an easy path for the Broncos as it took them seven games to eliminate the Regina Pats in the first round and another seven games to advance past Moose Jaw in the second round.  In the Eastern Conference final, they defeated Lethbridge 4 games to 2.

 

Obscure Sports Report (6/13/18)

rush
Third NLL Title for Saskatchewan Rush in Four Years

The Saskatchewan Rush won their third National Lacrosse League (NLL) title in Game 3 of the championship series against the Rochester Knighthawks.  Jeff Shattler scored four goals in the series-deciding game in the 15-10 win.  For the Rush, the win was particularly sweet redemption after having their two-year reign atop the NLL come to a gut-wrenching conclusion last year as they lost the final to the Georgia Swarm especially losing the deciding Game 2 at home in overtime. But the Rush were determined to get back to the top and they rumbled through the regular season with a 14-4 record which earned them home-floor advantage throughout the playoffs. They wound up needing it and using it to their full advantage with a raucous crowd of 13,645 at SaskTel Centre in Saskatoon watching the Rush hoist the newly minted NLL Cup.

The American Arena League (AAL) wrapped up their regular season but the playoff schedule is a little blurry.  The Georgia Doom defeated the Atlanta Havoc on Saturday, 48-42, to clinch a playoff berth but the Doom owners decided not to participate in the playoffs.   Don’t expect the league’s website to be much help either.  According to the standings, the top teams are:  Richmond Roughriders (10-1), Atlanta Havoc (9-2), Georgia Doom (6-2) and Carolina Energy (6-3).

Washington Valor defensive back Fred Obi has been named the Arena Football League (AFL) Week 9’s Defensive Player of the Week for his performance against the Philadelphia Soul. In his first game with the Valor, Obi recorded three solo tackles, one pass break-up and a pair of interceptions, the second of which occurred with just 18 seconds left in the game and sealed the Washington win.

The Champions Indoor Football (CIF) league begins their playoffs this weekend with eight teams entering the postseason.

  • Duke City Gladiators vs. Wichita Force
  • Amarillo Venom vs. Texas Revolution
  • Salina Liberty vs. Bismarck Bucks
  • Sioux City Bandits vs. Quad Cities Steamwheelers

Champions Bowl IV will be played the weekend of June 30th, with the location of the game to be determined during the playoffs.

The Sioux Falls Storm stunned the Iowa Barnstormers in a week 16 Indoor Football League (IFL) showdown.   The Storm would begin the third quarter with a 25-yard field goal by Miles Bergner, cutting the Barnstormers lead to 35-31. The Barnstormers would extend their lead to 49-31 after scoring on back to back drives. The first score was a 21-yard touchdown pass by Drew Powell to Skyler Scott and then a 29-yard touchdown pass by Drew Powell to Brady Roland. The Storm would end the third quarter with a team safety, trailing 49-33.  The Sioux Falls Storm would be the only team to score in the fourth quarter to earn their tenth win of the season with a 51-49 victory. The first score was a one-yard rushing touchdown by Lorenzo Brown along with a successful two-point conversion where Lorenzo Brown found Damond Powell, next Lorenzo Brown would get a two-yard rushing touchdown with a successful two-point conversion after Lorenzo Brown hit Damian Ford and then the Thunder Defense would block the game winning field and earn a safety from it.

The Columbus Lions defeated the Maine Mammoths 55-34 on Saturday night in the National Arena League (NAL). The Lions held off a late charge from the Mammoths to improve their record to 5-2 on the season. This loss drops the Mammoths to 1-7 on the year.  Quayvon Hicks led the offense on Saturday. Hicks rushed for three touchdowns, with his final touchdown sealing the game for the Lions. Quarterback Mason Espinosa had another efficient day throwing for over 250 yards and five touchdowns. Triston Purifoy had a monster game for the Lions. Purify hauled in 11 passes for 111 yards and three touchdowns. Durron Neal contributed with 84 yards on four catches and two touchdowns. The Lions offense totaled 281 yards on the day and averaged 5.9 yards per play.

In the American Ultimate Disc League (AUDL), the DC Breeze had a thrilling 25-24 overtime win over the Toronto Rush to hand the Rush their first loss of the season.  Toronto had the disc with 38 seconds remaining in overtime with a chance to send the contest to the sudden death 2nd OT; however, the DC defense held on and frustrated Toronto’s offensive push.

The revival of the XFL, which plans to start in 2020 with eight teams is considering St. Louis, Houston, San Antonio and Los Angeles.

The BIG3 Basketball League is coming back again this summer and the 3-on-3 league starts on June 22nd with live streaming the league’s game for a nine-week period with one game being shown each Friday.

Major League Quidditch (MLQ) has begun its fourth season with 16 teams.  The Austin Outlaws are the defending champions.

 

 

Potsdam Royals edge Milano in a Thriller; Swarco repeats as Champs

EFL1
Mliano WR Xavier Mitchell scored 4 TDs in a losing effort

European Football League Final:  Potsdam Royals 43, Milano Seamen 42

Germany’s Potsdam Royals overcame a fourth quarter, two touchdown deficit and added the winning two point conversion with 22 seconds left to defeat the Milano Seamen 43-42 in Milano, Italy and win the European Football League, EFL, title.

Royals quarterback Austin Gahafer completed 31 of 48 passes for 404 yards and three touchdowns while running back Tyvis Smith scored three touchdowns. Wide receiver Frederik Myrup Nielsen caught 11 passes for 161 yards and a touchdown while Max Zimmerman had eight receptions for 121 yards and a score. The other touchdown was scored by David Soul.

In the fourth quarter, after a 78 yard drive which included a fourth down conversion in their own zone, the Royals scored with Smith rushing for a seven yard touchdown. With the score 42-41 the Royals elected to go for the win. On the first two-point conversion attempt, Smith scored but a holding call nullified the two points. The next attempt, with 22 seconds on the clock was successful and Potsdam held a 43-42 lead.

Milano had one final shot at winning the game but the Royals blocked their 60-yard attempt as time expired.

Central European Football League Bowl XII:  Swarco Raiders 49, Istanbul Koc Rams 20

With 4,000 fans looking on a Tivoli Stadium in Innsbruck, Austria, the Swarco Raiders defeated the Istanbul Koc Rams from Turkey 49-20 to capture CEFL Bowl XIII and repeat as CEFL champions.

CEFL1
Swarco RB Platzgummer (7) ran wild for the Raiders scoring 4 TDs.

Sandro Platzgummer led the Raiders with four touchdowns in the game as the Raiders broke open a tense football game in the second half.

Trailing 28-14 at halftime, the Rams came out in the second half with Quarterback David Whipple marching his team to the Swarco 15 yard line before connecting with Kaan Özer to narrow the lead to 28-20.

That was as close as they got. The rains came and so did Platzgummer. In a sudden heavy downpour, Platzgummer was unstoppable in the second half reeling off touchdown runs of 10 and 70 yards. Then he scored on an amazing 45 yard punt return, breaking four tackles and leaving would-be tacklers flailing their arms and sealing the final score, 49-20.

Celebrity Softball, Jesse Duplantis and Lebron James

061118

“Celebrity” Softball Game

This past weekend my wife and I attended the City of Hope Celebrity Softball Game here in Nashville. This is an annual thing they do during the CMA Fest where celebrities play for a good cause. This was the first time we have attended this event. First it was hot. Very hot. We roasted in our seats. A small price (actually a big price) to get a close view of celebrities. Okay I use the term celebrities very loosely here as most of these folks were just barely celebrities. I knew of the Property Brothers (Drew and Jonathan Scott) and Charles Esten (Nashville TV Show) as well as Naomi Judd working an inning as MC.  Former NFL Quarterback Jay Cutler participated as well and scored the game-winner for his team.  It was difficult to keep track of who was who especially since I am not a huge follower of country music.  One time folks next to us were hollering out a name and I asked who it was and it turned out to be someone who was a finalist on this season’s rebooted version of American Idol.  I would have never known otherwise.  The best part about the game for me is that I escaped without any sunburn.

Jesse Needs A Jet

I’m still rolling my eyes when it comes to Jesse Duplantis and his need for a $54 million dollar private jet to help him to “spread the gospel”.   Now he comes back and tells us that he never asked his followers to pay for the jet but asked them to “believe” that he will get one.  Okay, I get it and I know how this goes.  He didn’t point blank ask for people to give to help him buy one just to believe.  Do you see what’s going on here?  Reminds me of those magicians and their illusions.  There’s definitely a little sight-of-hand talk going on here.  Duplantis claims that Jesus wouldn’t be riding around on a donkey today.  That may be true but I’m sure he wouldn’t be traveling in a private jet.  You know, the thing that keeps coming up to me is how is he exactly needing this jet to “preach the gospel”?  You mean he can’t go first class on a commercial jet?  If you are saying that he needs to go into remote areas of the world then my argument would be that these so-called remote areas wouldn’t have a landing strip that could handle this jet.  There are plenty of others out there who are preaching the gospel and risking their lives doing so.  Duplantis shows no overseas locations on his itinerary on his ministry’s website.  So where is he spreading this gospel?  Yes, I have a real problem with this.  I think about all those preachers out there who are barely making it yet this guy thinks he deserves a jet?

Where is Lebron going?

Now that the Golden State Warriors swept the Cleveland Cavaliers to end the National Basketball Association (NBA) season, people are speculating as to where Lebron James will go next.  It looks pretty unlikely that he will stay in Cleveland.  I have read that James could be headed to the Lakers, Spurs, Celtics or even Golden State.  Wherever he ends up, he will improve the team’s chances to win the NBA title next season – except for maybe a team like the Atlanta Hawks.  (Hawks burn there)  James can almost carry the team himself as he has mostly done in Cleveland this season.  Who knows what uniform James will be wearing next season?  I’m going to guess he will end up with the Lakers.  The Lakers have been down for a long time and I think the addition of James could turn things around for that franchise.

Discovery and Mac Users

Mac1I have dealt with issues lately with opposing counsel asking that I convert electronic discovery into a format for their Macs.  I won’t tell you what I REALLY said but I have always been very rigid about turning over data to opposing counsel in the way we have received it.  This issue with law firms having Macs and discovery defies common sense.  Let’s say it like this….if we were turning over paper that was in Chinese, would we be responsible for translating those documents?  Heck no.  No one would trust the other side for translating it for them.

Another thing about these Mac-only firms.  That can’t be an excuse.  Just go out and buy a Windows laptop.  Goodness sakes people.

So what are we – as litigation technology specialists – supposed to do with this?

As far as Electronically Stored Information (ESI) goes, the U.S. Courts have an ESI protocol which states:

b.  ESI received from third parties should be produced in the format(s) it was received or in a reasonably usable format(s).  ESI from the government’s or defendant’s business records should be produced in the format(s) in which it was maintained or in a reasonably usable format(s).

d. When producing ESI discovery, a party should not be required to take on substantial additional processing or format conversion costs and burdens beyond what the party has already done or would do for its own case preparation or discovery production.  For example, the producing party need not convert ESI from one format to another or undertake additional processing of ESI beyond what is required to satisfy its legal disclosure obligations.

Always check with your local courts regarding their policy on how to handle ESI.  Personally, I wouldn’t want to convert discovery for opposing counsel in fears that it would alter the data in some way or that something would be corrupted in the conversion process.  It just doesn’t make sense to do it.  Of course, if someone asks for a single file or two and they understand the process, I would do it but not entire volumes of discovery.

We are not responsible for the operating systems chosen by each individual opposing counsel.  It’s just silly that because they don’t have the compatible system with which to run certain applications that we should do anything to the data.  I’m sure most reasonable people can see the potential problems of catering to those who have Macs or any other forms of computer operating systems.

In today’s world, most Windows-based software have a Mac version which can be downloaded and installed.  There are times when this isn’t the case, especially when working with surveillance videos and third-party software.  I had an issue once when a company using their own proprietary software was not compatible with Macs.  The opposing counsel in this case simply went to Staples and purchased a Windows laptop.

Sure, there are some problems with Macs opening some executable files and other Windows-compatible programs.  Honestly, there have been many times I have received data which could not be accessed on our computer so I just purchased what was needed to open it.  Nothing difficult about that.  For instance, many times we have received QuickBooks files and we do not have the software so I just had to go through the process of getting it.  Not much you can do about that.  I couldn’t stop and just say we can’t open it.  Yeah, I don’t see that working out for me.

Another way to resolve Mac issue is to make the discovery available for review.  Set up an office or conference room with a Windows PC and let the opposing counsel know they can spend the day at your office reviewing the discovery.  You will find that they will usually opt to purchase a Windows laptop.

I have found that some Mac users are very adamant about their Macs although they are seriously outnumbered in the computer world.  It’s almost an offense to them if you don’t have Mac-friendly data.  Okay, well, let’s slide back over into the REAL world now.  Windows still rules whether we like it or not.  That’s just the way it is.  With the volumes of electronic data we deal with on a daily basis, we simply have to use the tools to get the job done.

 

 

CMA Fest, Crazy Drivers and Following The Rules

rules

CMA FEST:  Country Music, Drinking and Hot

Before my wife and I moved to Nashville in the summer of 2014, I had never heard of CMA Fest.  Even now, this thing called “CMA Fest” week always seems to slip up on me.  If you love Country Music, drinking and hot weather then this is the week for you.  I am not a fan of any of those.  Yeah, I know the obvious question:  Why do you live in Nashville then?  Hmmmm.  Good one.  I’m working on changing that.  CMA Fest week is the week those of us working downtown dread.  Parking rates are doubled, streets are blocked and people are everywhere.  There are a lot of free concerts but mostly those I call “minor league” acts.  They are not yet big names in Country Music.  Will you see a celebrity?  Yes, but it will cost you.  I have yet to see a celebrity during CMA Fest.  I did see Brothers Osborne from a distance last year but got a better view on a TV monitor.  They also have this thing called Fan Fair which is a place you can have a Meet & Greet with someone but, again, most of them or either unknowns or has-beens.  When we were looking at the list we kept saying:  “I thought they were dead”.    Just to give you a sample….here are the first ten on the list:  Amber Hayes, Bailey Bryan, Becky Brown, Brett Kissel, Charles Esten, Debbie Anthony, Granger Smith, Jeffrey East, Jon Langston, and JT Lewis.  I would have to Google these folks to know why they are being meeted and greeted.

CRAZY DRIVERS:  Don’t be one of them

And if traffic wasn’t bad enough on a normal day, Nashville drivers are just crazy.  I’m sure it is much the same in other big cities.  Drivers here do whatever they want to do.  Here are the top 10 things that are problems:

  1. Impatient Drivers
  2. Drivers not staying in their lane when turning
  3. Impatient Drivers
  4. Drivers merging onto Interstate expecting you to stop.  (I’m not kidding about this one)
  5. Impatient Drivers
  6. Tailgating
  7. Impatient Drivers
  8. Pedestrians not obeying their signals or using crosswalks
  9. Impatient Drivers
  10. Distracted Drivers eating, texting, talking on the phone, daydreaming, etc.

Did I mention impatient drivers there?  Yes, that is the common theme.  People do not want to wait for anything or anyone.  They don’t want to obey simple traffic rules.  It’s all about going faster than you and do whatever it takes to get there.

FOLLOWING THE RULES:  Do you mean me?

I read the story last week of this kid who was to graduate and decided not to follow the dress code and was clearly told there would be a zero tolerance.  When he decided to ignore the rules and was banned from walking at graduation he and his mother were upset about it.  Seriously?  What is wrong with people?  Why is it so difficult for people to simply follow directions?  I see this too many times.  People park where they aren’t supposed to park,  co-workers take leave they don’t have or fall into Old Faithful when signs tell them not to cross the line.  I don’t know.  I guess I live in the wrong time period.  There are reasons for rules.  It seems that those who break the rules get away with it.  The rules aren’t enforced.  I remember taking classes when the instructor waited for a few minutes for the stragglers to get there.  So you penalize the people who obeyed the rules and got their own time?  Makes no sense to me at all.  To be honest, I think people are scared to enforce the rules out of fear of getting shot or attacked.  People do that now. Even if they are called out for being in the wrong, THEY are the ones who get upset.  I don’t understand that.  Must be a mental thing.

Oops, my lunch hour was up a minute ago.