Marriage Of The Soul

I know we often toss around the idea of finding our “soul mate” and making it sound magical and romantic.  

Well, if you find the right person it is.  

I spent over 20 years in my “previous life” (that’s what I call it) married to the wrong person.  While I tried to force it to be what I wanted it to be, it never was.  It was a life of frustration.  

Today, my life is different.  After six years with the right person, I know what it means to have your soul mate.  There is no scientific formula for this, it’s one of those things that you just know.  It clicks inside of you without having to be forced or questioned.  It isn’t something that has to be work or difficult.   I am very fortunate to have found it.    Not many people get the chance I have had.  I always say that I have a second chance to be a better husband and I won’t squander the chance I have been given.  

If I have some advice to give people it would be:

Don’t base your decision on your fears of disappointing others.  

This one had me for most of my life.   You are the only person you know how to be.  You have to make decisions about love for your own happiness, not based on the happiness of others.  I lived with the expectation of others and the church and worried more about disappointing them than my own happiness.  Let me tell you a secret that I wish someone had told me:  you will always disappoint people regardless what you do.  You have to live with you.  Make decisions of love on that, not for the approval of others. 

Don’t settle because of low self esteem. 

I used to have a very low self-esteem which is a terrible trap when you are in a relationship.  This will deceive you into thinking that this is all you will ever have or you will be alone.  You have to love yourself more than that.  Not to the extreme of being full of yourself but living where you don’t have to settle for something that isn’t right for you.  

Follow your heart but take your brain with you.  

Be careful that you don’t just fall in love with love.  You have to have love but you need to make sure you like the person too.  You have to genuinely like being with the person. You can’t fake this or it will only wear you down after the honeymoon period is over.  Obviously we all have our differences but you have to decide if you can live with those differences and not just ignore them.  

Although I have been divorced, I am not an advocate of it.  Divorce should never be an option in your mind.  Yes, I went down that road but it is a choice I made.  You should never go into a marriage thinking that as your way out.  You should always do what you can to fix your marriage.  Unfortunately you can’t always do it.  Again you have to find your own way and not seek the approval of others.  

The soul knows and when you find them you will know it.  This is why I never wanted the “till death do us part” in our vows because when the soul has found the one it loves, that is a love that lasts.  

Yeah, we all mess up and make the wrong decisions in love.  Yes, people scoff at true love, soul mates and happily ever afters but it does happen and there is hope for the soul.   

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