Tag: confrontations

How To Deal with Difficult Situations and People

None of us enjoy doing the difficult things in life. Obviously we prefer the path of least resistance. I am one of those people. I would rather go out of my way to avoid difficult people and situations than plowing head on into them. Why create additional stress and pain when you don’t have to right?

Life has a way of forcing us into those difficult things at some point in our lives. I’m sure you know those people who thrive on confrontations although I honestly think those people embellish it more than it actually is.

I know there have been times that I was determined to avoid someone when I walk around the corner or the elevator doors open and there they are. Right in the space I want to occupy.  No way of escape or evasion.

Difficult people and situations require us to dig down deep to pull out the best that we can be. I won’t lie. It’s awfully difficult at times. Somehow we are often led right into the Lion’s Den. Sometimes you walk right into ground zero where you are face-to-face with your enemies. No avoiding it and no getting around it. It takes courage to summon up the strength to get through those moments.

So how can you and I survive these moments in our lives?

First, never forget who you are. Don’t let someone else tell you who you are. They don’t know you. They are basing their information on what they think they know about you. People tend to take parts of the truth and then fill-in what they THINK the truth is. There was a time in my life when I had to face a difficult person more often than I liked. I always had to spend time to prepare myself mentally before being around them. I finally learned that this person’s opinion of me was just their opinion and didn’t mean they were right. I just put an invisible shield around my feelings and let them act however they wanted.  Don’t allow others to tell you who you are. You know you. Don’t let someone else’s opinion of you matter.

If you are in the face of a difficult person, answer with a soft answer and never allow them to get you worked up. You are in control of you. When you lose control of yourself or the situation, you will lose control.  Stay calm.  When a situation is emotionally charged, it’s easy to get caught up in it.  Control your breathing and take deep breaths.  Raising your voice or speaking harshly in return will only add fuel to the situation.

Be willing to give something or someone a second chance. This isn’t always easy but might be something that is worth pursuing. People change sometimes.  Listen and try to understand why the person is being difficult.

Difficult people and difficult situations aren’t fun but we can get through them without injury. I am not the best success story in managing these situations but I am learning. These are things in life that we can learn from and make us stronger.

There is always a time and a place for confrontations. I hate them. Sometimes you have no other option but we can stay in control of us. Know who we are and refuse to let difficult situations or people to change that.

Yes, I know this all is nice but it’s a different story when you start feeling those butterflies in your stomach and you know you are going to go through a difficult situation or face a difficult person.  I don’t like that feeling either.  Control yourself and be strong.  Don’t let the person or situation intimidate you.

 

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Offending the Offender

pointingRecently a situation occured when I called out someone for doing something wrong. I hate to witness an injustice or someone who thinks they are above the rules. When I corrected this person, they proceeded to fuss me out about it.  The offender was offended that I called them out on their offense.

Confusing?  Yes, it is.

Sadly this is the time we live today. This is the time when you can’t enforce the rules or correct anyone. The strong wall of pride keeps people from owning up to their mistakes and move on. Instead they would rather turn it around on you and make you feel bad for making them accountable for their actions.

And then there’s the gun issue.

I’m not going to debate the gun issue because I know each side is adamant about their views and will attack you for believing the opposite of what they believe – however – you can’t hold people accountable anymore because they will think nothing of pulling out a gun and shooting you. It doesn’t matter whether they are right or wrong. There are too many people out there who have little or no regard for lives. They will use a gun quicker than trying to reason out a difference. Regardless of how you stand on the gun issue you only have to watch the news to see how easily people resort to their guns to resolve their conflict.

One of the places most of us deal with this is on the roads. Road rage incidents have increased and people will pull over and want to fight you if you call them out or blow your horn at their infraction. It’s a crazy world out there. How is it that the offending party refuses to take responsibility for anything?

This week I had to apologize for confronting a neighbor for blocking MY driveway. The confrontation got heated as I got fed up with the complete inconsiderate act by the neighbor while I reminded the neighbor that what they had done was in violation of community rules yet I had to apologize for my reaction to it. Did you follow that? Yeah it gets a little confusing.

I don’t get it.

Our society today seems to be too prideful to admit to doing anything wrong. Just say “I’m sorry” or a “my bad” and move on. None of us are perfect. Quit the fussing. It’s not worth it.

I have never seen it as bad as it is now. It’s an epidemic. The pride flu has spread like the plague.  So what can we do to handle these moments of injustice?  I know that the Bible says to “turn the other cheek” but when you’ve already done that then what?

The easy answer is to let it go.  That’s not easy.  We have to be wise in picking our battles.  I still think we should speak up when we need to do so.  Sometimes the situation calls for it but if things escalate beyond what it should be, we should also have the strength and ability to calm things down.  As the old country song goes:  “Know when to hold’em and know when to fold’em.”

Here are some things that might help in dealing with these situations:

  1. Ask yourself if it’s worth it to confront the offender.  It’s important to identify the situation and whether or not your confrontation is justified.
  2. Stay calm.  Keeping cool will keep the situation from turning on you.
  3. Avoid personal insults.  Stay on the subject of the offense.
  4. Know when to back down.  Sometimes you’re just not going to win.  Backing down isn’t weakness it is intelligence.
  5. Notify the appropriate authorities.  You don’t always have to resort to calling the police but you can address some situations through other authorities.

If you or I are the offender and someone calls us out on something, let’s remember that side of it too.  Either apologize and move on or try to calmly explain your situation if there was a reason you took the action you did.  A soft answer to when we have been called out usually turns out a whole lot better than flipping someone off or ignoring the offense.  We are all human and we all have these moments when we are either the offender or the victim of the offense.